A friend and I have a running hashtag: #rebuild2017. It’s symbolic of the rebuilding of our lives. He’s discovering life after divorce. I’m working on evolving and being less of a jackass.

Being the narcissist that I am—this post is about me, not him.

As long as I can remember, I have struggled with my own mind. In my defense, I’ve only recently become aware of the problem.

I had no idea the path to a richer life required actually living life: be aware, experience everything, stop thinking before you do. This is the path I’m working on, but I’m correcting decades of bad programming.

Some days, I do okay. I am evolving. I am less of a jackass... at least a little bit. I am doing things now. I am aware of those moments of overthinking, and I acknowledge that awareness and let it go. Most of the time. I know now that this is a never-ending journey. Mastery takes practice. Every. Day.

2017 is half over. I’ve read thirty-eight books out of my year’s goal of fifty. My passion for reading is reignited, which is good. This evolution into mastery will require revisiting many of the books I’ve read, and devouring any new books I find on the journey.

And when I socialize, I love telling people about what I’ve learned that makes a difference in my life. I practice what I can. Yet, some road blocks remain.

We all have this one person: in my case, this one girl. I’m not sure what it is about her...

Sure, she’s attractive. She has a great personality. She’s certainly got issues. And I struggle with my former self when I’m around her.

Years ago, when we met, there was a definite spark. There may still be, but she’s not the same. Now she’s the one who’s stuck in her head. She’s no longer enjoying life. She’s lost her passion. At least it looks that way from my point of view.

And now, she wants to spend more time together. Will we be good for each other? Can my positive changes affect her? Or will her current drama knock me off course?

I think I know the answer: I have to be strong. I have to continue on my path—and if I lose her, that’s a risk I have to take. No attachment to outcomes, only the journey.

Yet, she still has this effect on me. And I’m afraid she knows it. Time to be strong. Get out of her world. Bring her into mine. Or don’t.

What i'm listening to:

First Crush
Empire of the Sun
Two Vines