Saturday, June 17, 2006, 1:04 am

Oh my, God!

I had no idea the crashes were going to get this bad!

Tonight, i went to a concert. It was actually a good night, i was with friends... and even managed to show a hot girl how to shoot better pool.

But when the band we were waiting for went on... i was overwhelmed, which is too bad, because the band really was good.

I couldn't help thinking how hot C looked at that Liz Phair show in St. Louis. I couldn't help thinking about getting her something for the Rachel Yamagata show she missed... the postcard that said to, "Be in love always." I just couldn't handle it.

I lost it... i freakin' lost it. At least i got out of the bar... but i certainly lost it in the car.

It's not getting any better, it's only getting worse. I love this girl so much i would do anything to get her back... absolutely anything.

C... you know me better than anyone... i wish you had only suggested i might be making a huge mistake buying a house and tying myself here. I wish you would give me the chance to rectify the mistake.

I wish you wouldn't make the decision to fall out of love with me.

Falling in love is so rare, and chemistry like what we have (yes, i did use present tense there) shouldn't be tossed aside! As much as i love you, as much as you love me... as happy as i make you, as happy as you make me... how did we get to where we are at?

Neither of us will ever find this with anyone else... i need you back soooooo bad!

And i don't know what to do... is there absolutely nothing i can do while she sorts things out? How can i continue to have faith while she seems to be trying so hard to push me out of her life? My friends and family seem to have it... where is mine?

True love waits?

We'll see...

What i'm listening to:

If I'd Been the One
.38 Special
Tour de Force