Saturday, April 29, 2006, 7:29 am
Loneliness...
There is this sense of intense loneliness i'm feeling.
It just sucks waking up in the morning and knowing that there will be no phone calls, no text messages.
She tells me she doesn't want to break off contact. She just doesn't want to talk on the phone. She doesn't want to turn on her phone and see i've sent her a text message. Maybe she thinks it is "tough love," but it feels like i've got no support system.
This will be hard enough for me to take on, even though i know i must. It will be harder without her love and support.
I don't even know if she will ever take me back. She was so crazy about me that i never imagined losing her. I think that is why i lost her. I got so involved in her that i was starting to forget my own life.
She had done that before. Twice actually. She fell into this black hole where i was her world. It was scary... i know why she's scared! Ok, i can never truly know what she is thinking, i can only speculate, but she has escaped from that hole and has a pretty good thing going where she's at now.
I used to have that. I just have no way of knowing that the path i'm on will save us. I hope so. Without the hope, it is going to be a difficult journey.
Hope gives someone a reason to push on. I hope she realizes that and that now i need her love more than ever... and that her support and encouragement will be crucial as i face these trials ahead.
I just miss her sooo much.
It just sucks waking up in the morning and knowing that there will be no phone calls, no text messages.
She tells me she doesn't want to break off contact. She just doesn't want to talk on the phone. She doesn't want to turn on her phone and see i've sent her a text message. Maybe she thinks it is "tough love," but it feels like i've got no support system.
This will be hard enough for me to take on, even though i know i must. It will be harder without her love and support.
I don't even know if she will ever take me back. She was so crazy about me that i never imagined losing her. I think that is why i lost her. I got so involved in her that i was starting to forget my own life.
She had done that before. Twice actually. She fell into this black hole where i was her world. It was scary... i know why she's scared! Ok, i can never truly know what she is thinking, i can only speculate, but she has escaped from that hole and has a pretty good thing going where she's at now.
I used to have that. I just have no way of knowing that the path i'm on will save us. I hope so. Without the hope, it is going to be a difficult journey.
Hope gives someone a reason to push on. I hope she realizes that and that now i need her love more than ever... and that her support and encouragement will be crucial as i face these trials ahead.
I just miss her sooo much.