Tuesday, August 4, 2015, 2:52 am

No rest for the wicked...

I haven’t been sleeping.

Some nights, it feels like I’ve forgotten how to focus. Others it feels like I’ve forgotten how to let go.

Still others, I can manage to clear my mind, but then every nerve ending in my legs fires up. It doesn’t feel like it’s burning. It doesn’t hurt. But it’s letting me know my legs are there... like an incessant itch.

Ice baths help... almost long enough to fall asleep. Almost.

The insomnia hasn’t helped. When I do sleep, my dreams are incredibly vivid. Emotionally draining.

When I do sleep, I wake up exhausted.

I’ve been thinking of shoulda, woulda, coulda. A’s been on my mind. It’s time to let go. She has her life. I have mine.

I’ve been making tremendous strides in life. Opportunities abound! I’m excited about what I’m becoming.

If only.

If only I could sleep.

I never really sleep anymore.

What I’m listening to:
Samantha Fox It Just Won’t Quit
Meat Loaf
Bat Out of Hell II: Back Into Hell

Tuesday, July 14, 2015, 2:35 pm

like a boss

You know you're game is on when you walk in, fill out the job application, get the interview immediately, and on the way out hear you've got the job.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015, 4:21 pm

lost

I need some advice, but where do I turn?

For the last year, I have fought a battle at work. At one point, I was great at my job. I made magic happen.

I’ve had problems with employers before, but nothing on the scale I’m experiencing now.

I come home utterly defeated. There are frequent meetings... even when they go well, there is clearly a hunt for something that I failed at.

I have been told that he has “zero confidence” in my ability. When those words aren’t said, the message is still conveyed.

Getting that message long enough has affected all aspects of my life. In a conversation with a close friend yesterday, he said that I was no longer hire-able. He said, that by talking with me, what I’m looking for isn’t about doing work... it’s only about the money.

So, now I’m caught in a situation where I need to rediscover my confidence and my passion, and get away from the constant flood of negativity and unrealistic expectations... yet as long as I’m doing this job for this employer, I’ll continue to get beat down.

What do I do? How do I put up a wall so I can rebuild my self-worth, and continue to “get by” and collect that paycheck?

I know I shouldn’t take any of it personally, yet after a year of hearing this, I have zero confidence I’ll ever satisfy this boss.

Do I need a shrink? A spiritual leader? A sabbatical?

How do I salvage this and get back into a good situation? A good job?

Friday, May 15, 2015, 8:30 am

Indeed...

Buried within all the white noise that is the Facebook news feed, this little nugget jumped out at me:

You have no reason to go back to what made you miserable.

This really speaks to me. I may just find my way back from the precipice after all...

What i'm listening to:
Once Fallen from the Sky
Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová
Once

Thursday, April 23, 2015, 8:12 am

Finger lickin' good dreams...

Last week, I decided to join a co-worker who’s doing the “24-day challenge,” which is essentially a period cleansing and clean eating. It’s designed to usher in a lifestyle of clean eating.

Our challenge began on Monday, and since then... never, have I ever, craved Kentucky Fried Chicken so much in my life!

We’ll see if I make it 24 days before I sit down with a bucket of chicken...

What i'm listening to:
Eat 'em and Smile Yankee Rose
David Lee Roth
Eat ’em and Smile

Monday, April 13, 2015, 5:35 pm

Always pumpkin season...

Today, I learned what pepitas are.

The more you know!

What i'm listening to:
Summertime Dream The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
Gordon Lightfoot
Summertime Dream

Sunday, April 5, 2015, 6:41 pm

why...

I’m just going to leave this here and see how it lands:

You should be in a relationship with someone because they make you a better person by being with them.

Friday, March 20, 2015, 9:51 am

One-hundred days of peace...

Tonight, I celebrate, for today marks the end of my 100 days off Facebook experiment.

In December, I was going through a lot in my life, and really didn’t need the noise that Facebook was providing... especially the stuff that makes it less fun than it was when it was all college students. The activism, the pity parties, the baby pictures, the videos (any video).

I decided I didn’t need any of it. So, I quit.

I quit with the intent of staying away for ninety days. Somewhere around halfway, I figured that if I can avoid it for ninety, I can surely do a hundred.

The first week was surreal. It almost felt like something was missing in my life. Like a friend... but not necessarily a friend that you spend a lot of time with. Maybe an acquaintance you’re fond of.

Then the occasional random texts started appearing: how did you miss this event? you didn’t know I’m single? happy birthday.

And the: is everything ok?

Now, I question how strongly I want to rejoin. Overall, I think it was a good cleanse that everyone should do now and then. While I don’t miss the drama nor the videos, there are a few Facebook friends I miss.

Maybe a few that Mr. Kite misses too.

So, today I’ll be logging back in, knowing that the next break will be for 180 days (or 200?).

We’ll see how it goes. It has been a peaceful 100 days, 7 hours & 5 minutes.

What i'm listening to:
Going to Hell Follow Me Down
The Pretty Reckless
Going to Hell

Friday, March 20, 2015, 5:07 am

for the Benefit of Mr. Kite...

This morning I awoke from a dream in which I was talking with a group of girls about names for parts of our bodies.

In the dream, I referred to my penis as Mr. Kite. This grabbed the attention of both Beatles fans and non-Beatles fans alike.

I explained to one girl who looked puzzled that Mr. Kite was capable of taking her to heights she’d never before imagined.

Now that I’m awake, it seems like a pretty solid conversation piece.

So, join me tonight, where Mr. K will perform “his tricks without a sound.”

What i'm listening to:
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band Being for the Benefit...
The Beatles
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely ...

Tuesday, March 3, 2015, 10:08 am

fireproof...

Fire Proof Your Prom

Today, I received an email that caused me to do a double-take. The email was for a newsletter and contained a list of topics the newsletter covered... including how to “Fire Proof Your Prom,” which gave me a chuckle. Maybe it shouldn’t have.

I guess I didn’t realize that was a thing... outside of the mind of Stephen King and the minds of anyone who’s read the book or seen the movies.

Now I’m curious... is this a statistic? And should I feel ashamed that an unsolicited piece of email inspired me to write about it? And to click through?

I haven’t clicked through yet, but I’m afraid I must...

What i'm listening to:
Mirage Gypsy
Fleetwood Mac
Mirage
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