Monday, January 11, 2016, 9:51 am
With the beginning of the new year, I’ve been reflecting on the past one.
2015 started on a high note. I was at the top of my game, landing new projects, and headlining a big project at my day job. I had hedged almost a month of vacation time and had a significant amount in savings in preparation for a Greece trip that was to take place in May with one of my favorite girls.
We were excited to leave our lives behind for a few weeks.
However, there was one key piece that wasn’t falling in place. The project at work was very exciting, to everyone but the exec. In fact, nothing I did was exciting to the exec, and halfway through the year, he brought down my entire house of cards.
The last six months have been a true trial. The hedged vacation time translated into decent money... but now all of the money is gone. The opportunities are few and far between. Sent resumés land interviews, interviews land second interviews, but still no job has appeared from the mist.
I’ve considered other options, but some prospective employers lose interest when discovering what I made at my previous job. Others have a hard time taking someone who has driven a desk his entire life seriously. After all, why would an office worker even apply to become a factory worker, a parts seller, a driver, a railroad track layer, a welder?
Perhaps their concerns are not unfounded. Those are all 8-5 jobs... and as one who’s never been a morning person, that 8 am has always been a hard note to hit.
If only, I had acquired the taste for coffee... no, yuck.
So, 2015 was the year I officially became a nobody. I no longer contribute to society... and may no longer be able to.
Next week, I finally start over.
Yes, start over.
I’ve accepted a job as a temp. Doing tech support. I’d almost rather die than do tech support.
Oddly, I’m fully aware that this isn’t even rock bottom yet. I may not have any money at all, but what little I’m able to get my hands on goes into those little things... like utilities, and the house payment. So, I’m not homeless, nor hungry.
It’s not yet just a boy and his dog.
My dog. She is my rock that keeps me going.
I can’t help thinking that I’m destined to be this nobody. A casual glance on social media would suggest that we can be whatever we want. However, as one who’s not landing the careers that will give me the life I want... I’m losing faith in everything.
Dreams die, don’t they?
And no, I can’t say I’m entirely blameless. I’ve cultured this ruined life. The exec who was unhappy with everything I did created a situation I should have run from. I should have looked for a new job while I was still employed... instead, I let his persistent micromanaging burn me out.
Now I wonder if one can even come back from burn out... how do you get the spark back? How do you get the magic back?
I used to be passionate about projects and ideas and creating cool stuff. Now I wonder if I’m the total failure he accused me of being.
I can’t even declare 2016 as a rebuilding year. There’s no foundation left to rebuild upon.
So, now what?