Tuesday, July 26, 2016, 6:41 pm
“Maybe I’ll hold my breath and jump right in. Maybe I’ll hold my breath and jump right in.”
Not Your Kind of People
“Maybe I’ll hold my breath and jump right in. Maybe I’ll hold my breath and jump right in.”
Ever encounter someone with such perfect tits that you just know you’re going to think about her all day?
The way they hang perfectly with no support? The way they shape the loose sleeveless shirt around them, with an oh-so-subtle hint of sideboob?
That moment when you realize you just talked to the girl you’re going to marry.
If I believed in that sort of thing, that is...
I’d like to preface this commentary by stating that speeding through work zones is no joke. The people that are working mere inches away from your flying hunk of steel are trading time for money for things... just like you and I. Please don’t kill them.
I’m noticing a disturbing trend. Something that can only be explained as a decision made by some governmental entity.
This year, I’m noticing that the work zones are miles longer than the actual area worked on. Plus, the schedules are much longer. Plus, their putting out signs (especially speed limit signs) and cones on the side of the road weeks before you see any workers, or evidence of work being done.
This reeks of struggling local governments sticking their grubby li’l hands in the till of summer. It’s like someone had this brilliant idea:
How can we get our hands on more revenue?
The speed zones in construction areas always does well.
Great, Jones! How can we expand on that?
Well, the standard highway project runs at least three months. Why don’t we schedule it to actually run from April through November... after all, the weather IS always a factor in completing these on time, right? AND, we’ll leave the reduced speed limit through that entire window.
Excellent! But I don’t want to pay workers for seven months... how do we handle that?
How about this. We’ll set up for the work zone with a minimum complement of workers for the first six weeks. We’ll run surveys with existing staff, and we’ll finally be ready to ramp it up after we’ve had the barrels up for eight weeks.
Fantastic! That’s an inspired start, but there has to be something we’re missing...
Okay, how’s this sound. We’re always concerned about the safety of our workers. Let’s expand the work zone to have another mile or two buffer between normal highway speeds and where the work will actually begin. An added perk is: this will give more areas for patrol to sit safely and nab speeders.
That’s perfect! Make it so... and tell our neighboring states what we’ve done. We’ll all make budget yet!
Seriously... this conversation is not out of the realm of possibility these days. Watch your work zones, folks!
And no, I have not been ticketed in a speed zone. If you do get ticketed with the “double fine,” check your local laws or with a lawyer. Several states only allow the double fine when workers are present. Fight that bad boy in court!
And sometimes, you just have to give her the gift of missing you...
That moment when you show up at a “private” party you were invited to only to find several hundred people there.
As someone who’s barely socialized... well, I haven’t decided if I’m going back or not.
We’ll see. I’m supposed to constantly test and step outside of my comfort zone.
But this felt like falling 10,000 feet outside of my comfort zone.
A good opportunity to break out my “I hate everyone” t-shirt?
I regularly visit a life coach, who is working to instill a mindset within me that I can do and have anything. And yes, many days he makes me believe it.
But I’m not there yet.
Well, I have another friend. Unlike the “life coach” types, everything in his life revolves around money. He’s miserly, he’s not friendly, he’s not the type I’m told “attracts success.”
Yet he’s a master negotiator. He knows how much to offer for the nice things he wants in his life and always gets a great deal.
By great deal, I mean getting a Lexus two-seater convertible for 20% off of the asking price.
I, on the other hand, have an uncanny knack of finding the listings from people who aren’t interested in negotiating... at. all.
Ten years ago, when I was house shopping, I found a cute little house that I thought would be perfect. I took into consideration its neighborhood, its condition, and what it needed, and made an offer that I and my agent thought was reasonable.
And, if memory serves, about 15-20% off the listing price. The seller was insulted. The seller took the house off the market immediately after my offer and decided to use it as a rental. My agent had never seen anything like that before... so I’m guessing it’s a rare occurrence. Yet, that’s what I seem to draw into my life... those rare occurrences.
Yet, I was inspired by my friend’s recent purchase. I’m currently looking for a new car myself. No, I’m not looking for a $15,000 auto, but something practical and reliable. Specifically, at this moment, I’m looking at a 2009 Hyundai Sonata.
I test drove the car, I noticed that it is a remarkably clean car—yet it does have a few dings plus some definite hail damage. Plus, arrived on site armed with the book values.
After I made my offer, I was educated about how the blue book values are not a true indicator of market value and that this car was aggressively priced and he was unable to match my offer.
I know I should always be prepared to walk away. I was, and I did. However, in this case, we both did. Time will tell if I'm going to end up in that car...
What the seller said made sense to me... and maybe that’s the problem. Plus, of course, Craigslist proved his point. A quick search of all the similar area listings revealed his and one other to be priced the same (at well over book), and the same car going for close to $10,000 still.
So, I get that the market really does drive the prices, and perhaps I need to consider purchasing a new car while I’m on my road trip next month through lower priced markets... but I’m also clearly not the master negotiator my friend is.
My life coach says I can have it all. I need to believe that fully.
Being a Have-Not is exhausting... it truly is time for change.
So, last night I set my first rendezvous from Tinder. She’s a cute girl and seems to have a quirky sense of humor, which I adore. I let her know I was going to be in her neighborhood, and she suggested we meet up for a drink after I finish up with business.
Who can resist an offer like that, right?
Well, she went radio silent today. No big deal... everyone’s on their own journey, and I can appreciate that. I’ll likely never know why she flaked...
However, experience has demonstrated that I still tend to attract those with less than stellar self-esteem... no matter how attractive she is. And since I come from that world, I totally get it.
You agree to meet someone. The “what if’s” start rolling.
What if he doesn’t like me? What if he freaks when he sees me in person? Oh my God, what if he DOES like me? What if he wants to sleep with me? What if I want to sleep with him? What if we go. too. far...
I know, I’ll just block his number/ignore his texts/pretend my phone died/whatever flavor of the month for flaking works.
And it’s always ALWAYS so much better to just say, “Hey, I changed my mind.”
But, as a former resident... when you don’t even respect yourself enough to take a chance on something special, you don’t respect your own time—much less anyone else’s. It doesn’t matter that this guy took time out of his busy life to get to know you. Maybe you’d rather hide at home with a pint of Häagen-Dazs and think things like, “He wouldn’t have liked me anyway,” or, “I wouldn’t have liked him anyway.”
I get it. I’m not even disappointed. Okay, perhaps a little. But mostly, I’m just sad... for her and others like her.
Girls, stop running from life. Embrace it. Take a chance. Have some fun.
The worst regrets are the missed opportunities... not the screwed up ones.
Some days, I just love observing others...
Tonight, I had dinner at my favorite sushi place, and the couple at the next table were clearly having their first date.
They were adorable.
She had something pulled up on her phone, it must have been something like, “Interview questions for a first date.”
Not a bad idea for breaking the ice... but some of the questions were a li’l too much like job interview questions. I’d think asking a question that creates silence isn’t a good idea.
Some of the questions: What’s your favorite holiday? What would your best friends say about you? If you could choose, what would your last words be?
I get that not everyone has the talent for bursting out of awkward silences, plus I get that some of those websites out there have some extra clever questions (What combination of fixings make the perfect burrito?), but I’d be horrified if my first date started feeling too much like a job interview.
However, they were a cute couple and clearly attracted to each other... very in to each other.
I do have to give him props for a fun idea. He paid the bill while she was in the bathroom, then when she came back they chatted for a bit longer. Suddenly, he put his shades on, grabbed her hand, and said, “Let’s go!”
She’s hesitant. “What about the bill?”
He’s insistent and smiling, “Let’s just go!”
I hadn’t seen that move live before... it was fun. Shows a sense of humor and a taste of danger. If they hit it off, it’ll be something to mention at their wedding.
Almost makes me want to get back out there... almost.
Perhaps, I shall take this day off every year... to celebrate my freedom from the soul crusher...
Yes, I shall.